You

When I was 14 I was suicidal. There was nothing to keep me going from one day to the next. I'd see older people, an older couple walking hand in hand, and wonder how they could live so many days and stand the monotony. I saw no connection to the future, no possibility of a bright light ahead.

The school nearly Baker Acted me. I was forced to go to a psychologist, and pull out my bloody intestines.

When I was 14 I thought if there was any chance I had a soul mate, he'd be dead by now. I imagined him, about my age, black shirt, listening to Bush or Nirvana.
If he was anything like me, he had already slit his wrists.

I thought life must be so horrible, wandering from one year to the other, searching for that one true love, never knowing he was rotting in the ground. That's the definition of a sucker.

So I was determined to kill myself first. I wasn't going to be the sucker struggling through a lonely life. I wasn't going to let his selfish decision wreak havoc on my future.

I took 20 sleeping pills and laid down in the tub. Under the water, the crystalline water and light refractions, I rejoiced. I won. He would cradle a lifetime of pain and solitude, not me... not me...

That's what I wanted to do to my soul mate.

Imagine what I want to do to you.