The Roulette Table

When I lay in bed, there begins an inconspicuous chorus of insanity.

Chronic insomnia is a beast. It strikes at the first scent of blood - stress, depression, addiction - all open wounds leaving me vulnerable.

This time, however, I'm on medication. Self-prescribed, off course. Venezuelan sleeping pills... I'm not sure how they got into the country, but I know how they got into my system...

After days of not sleeping, or at best stealing some quick fits of REM, the first thing to go is my rationality. Hallucinations start. Low level, in the beginning, auditory... Later, they'll get visual. Later, I'll get paranoid - sudden movements in the periphery, a cat, or... no.

For now, it is night, it is dark, and there is little to see except the glow of my computer.

And the sounds.

I turn in my rough sheets, trying to cover my left ear, trying to cover the sounds of a casino. That's right, I know it's only a hallucination, but there is a casino in my head. For now, I know it's only a hallucination.

As my mind rummages through the events of the past day, the smells and sights and pains, as my eyes flutter in the black evening, the casino opens up...

There is a sound of hard, constant contact, spinning...
I am at the roulette table. I don't know if I've placed my money on red or black but the dealer has spun and that ball is going round and round on that spinning wheel....
I look up - red vest, gold name tag: Stacy. She rests the cuffs of her white, long-sleeved shirt on the edge of the table, her blond hair tumbles across her shoulders.
Spinning, spinning....

The wheel keeps spinning and the ball never stops. I turn. Spinning, and spinning, and spinning.... the anticipation of the wheel slowing down and finally seeing that white ball come to rest... builds.... spinning... Stacy,
Stacy is silent. I toss. Stacy, spinning.... spinning...spinning....

One more pill, I just need one more pill, and the white ball will land on red or black, and Stacy will hand me my chips.

I get up, night.... just one more....